The Love Trefoil ***Friends Spoiler!!!***
St. Patrick used the trefoil clover, a.k.a. the shamrock, to explain the holy trinity. Well, being of proud Irish decent, I am going to use the Trefoil as a way to explain the three aspects of a relationship that make one successful.
To have a truly successful relationship, it is necessary to have a balance between the three connections of the Love Trefoil:
1. The Physical Connection- the fundamental biological attraction between lovers. This connection encompasses all physical intimacy. It includes sexual, romantic, and day to day comfortableness between partners. Without the physical, a relationship is emotional and platonic. It goes against the natural evolutionary reason for dating: reproduction. The physical brings a level of comfort and closeness necessary for real trust, the key principle in a relationship. Trust comes from being completely vulnerable with each other. A relationship can exist without the physical but will not last forever.
2. The Connection of Commonalities- the fundamental and superficial wants from a relationship and from life. This also includes simple likes and dislikes. Fundamental: He wants kids and she doesn’t; she wants to get married he and he doesn’t; or superficial: he likes coffee and she doesn’t; she likes country music and he doesn’t, etc. What do you have in common? This connection is more important when it comes to the fundamental, rather than the superficial. It is better to agree on marriage and children, than on favorite movies or beverage preference. If you can find someone you have both types of commonality with, then that is ideal but not completely necessary. The connection of commonalities, especially the fundamental, is the most overlooked of the three connections. A relationship can go a long way before it dies out under this discrepancy. Once the physical is common place, and no longer exciting, there are no common goals or interests to fall back on.
3. The Genuine Connection- this is the mechanism that makes two people click. A relationship has potential, if nothing else it has the genuine connection. This is the effortless coexistence, and flourishing of two people in each other’s presence. Although powerful, this cannot sustain a bond forever and will require the escalation into the physical connection and/or finding a commonality. Of the three, this one is key, in conjunction with the other two, to have a truly successful relationship. A lack of the genuine connection will kill a relationship faster than anything else.
As predicted by our favorite, Phoebe in Friends, Ross and Rachel were each other’s lobsters. And to find your special lobster, you should keep the Love Trefoil in mind. The more you are connected in these three ways, the more likely it is you’ll be able to walk claw-in-claw along the seabed to a ripe old age.
“Genuine connections can be created, but never broken!” – Moi